A Reflection on Self-Esteem
So many of us struggle with self-esteem, myself included. For many years, I couldn’t be cool enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. I just didn’t think I was enough. I spent so much time and energy trying to fit in with other people by being like them. I tried (and failed) to follow popular trends, and adapted my style to those around me. One day, I asked myself, “why the fuck do you care if these people think you’re enough?” I then decided that I would become who I wanted to be, not who I thought others wanted me to be. It didn’t happen overnight. I still sometimes wonder if people think I’m weird, fat, or ugly. Then I remember that I’m a badass bitch. Self-esteem isn’t something that you just have: it’s something that you work on daily. As I nurtured my personal style, by self-esteem grew exponentially.
How Others Perceive You
People will always judge other people. It’s shitty, but it’s just a fact of life. You know you do it, too. The way others perceive you can affect how they deal with you. You never know, they may have a totally bitchin’ opportunity for you. There are 3 interconnected things that people judge you by:
- the way you look
- the way you present yourself
- your confidence
Yes, #1 sucks, but it’s true. Everyone judges everyone else on how they look, no matter what they say. However, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Use the way to dress, do your hair, and/or do (or don’t do) your makeup as ways to represent your personality. Are you a super magical unicorn? Share your sparkle with everyone who sees you. Are you dark and twisty? Show it! Make your appearance work for you.
The way your present yourself can seriously affect the way you look. If you walk with slumped shoulders and refuse to make eye contact with anyone, you will look sad or uncomfortable. If you make eye contact with people and smile, you will look warm and friendly. If you strut with your shoulders back and frown or scowl at people, you’ll look confident and unapproachable. That last one is my favorite. It really helps me hide my inner introvert without having to be social. The way you present yourself should work for you and for the way you look.
Finally, your confidence is the most important thing that people judge. If you come across as a confident, self-assured badass, people will treat you as such. If you appear to be timid or weak, people will ignore you, baby you, or walk all over you. I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I want to be treated. If you feel good in your own skin, and clothes, other people can tell. Your confidence completely changes both the way you present yourself and the way you look. If a classically beautiful girl isn’t confident, others will pick up on that and treat her accordingly. On the flip side, if a girl isn’t necessarily beautiful by society’s (fucked up) standards, but she’s confident as fuck, people will treat her like the beautiful woman she is. Remember, you are a strong, confident badass! If you believe you are, other people will, too.
Where Does Style Fit in?
Personal style affects all 3 things that other people judge. Obviously, the way you look changes as you nurture your personal style. As your style grows and develops, the way you look will as well. As you become more comfortable with yourself, the way you carry yourself will improve, too. Lastly, as you become more comfortable in your skin (and in your wardrobe), your confidence will skyrocket!
If you’d like to read about my style journey and embark on your own, check out my ebook, Finding Yourself Through Style.